Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
by The 13th Leprechaun
Summary: ONESHOT. SH2. An alternate version of Mary's death.


**Now I lay me down to sleep**

**James x Mary**

**Author's Note:** This is what I would consider an alternate to Mary's death. Just an idea I wanted to toy with, because I had it in my head.

I'd also like to point out that, when it comes to the death I've written, I've probably written it inaccurately, but I don't think anyone's died that way and been able to come back alive and let everyone know what it was like. XD So, please do forgive the inaccuracies.

**WARNING:** If you don't like the idea of suffocating of any sort (I include drowning, because you're being suffocated by water), then please leave _now_. If you're not disturbed, then go ahead and continue this if you want.

* * *

_The doctor came today.  
__He told me I could go home for a short stay._

_It's not that I'm getting better.  
__It's just that this may be my last chance..._

_I think you know what I mean..._

* * *

"James..." Coughing interrupted her weak speech. "Where are we going, James?"

"Silent Hill. You said you wanted to go back."

His voice hung heavy with something akin to regret and remorse. His shoulders were hunched and he watched her as he started the car, the starting of the engine drowning out her coughing. She looked so tired, pale, weak... fragile.

"But that's such a long drive," she whispered. "The doctor said I should be back in the hospital by seven."

He turned away from her so she didn't see the glassy effect his eyes created. Instead, he pulled out of the parking space, maneuvered through the parking lot, and exited out the back gate, going at a slow, steady speed. She coughed again and clutched to her blanket, clinging to it like it could possibly save her life. He reminded himself that there wasn't such a hope, which was why he was taking her away from all this.

"James...?"

"Mary... I'm sorry," he murmured, his eyes focused solely on the road, vision blurring slightly from tears.

She wanted to speak, but decided to let her voice rest, her silence a sort of comfort because it allowed him to sort through his thoughts and collect himself enough so that he didn't break down in front of her, show his weakness again. She leaned back against the seat and looked outside at the passing scenery, noticing people of all shapes and sizes as he navigated them through the city, taking the road out of town. Everyone she saw had nothing wrong with them. They were all perfectly healthy and could move as they pleased. She wanted to resent them, but she was so tired of feeling angry all the time. She figured dying wouldn't be so bad because then the pain would end and she wouldn't have to be reminded of what a burden she was on her husband, someone who supported and cherished her, despite what cruel things she said to him. Her gratitude for him sticking with her this whole time couldn't have been measured in words and she wished she could do something in return for all his troubles, besides leave him alone.

Her eyelids felt heavy and, though her lungs still burned from the scorching infection now spreading throughout her entire inside system, she felt more comfortable in this car, next to her shaken and beaten husband, in this uncomfortably stiff seats, than she had in what felt like a lifetime.

While Mary leaned back into her seat, still holding tightly to her blanket to keep out the cold while she burned up, drifting away into a more peaceful slumber, James drove the car through the city and eventually across a very different scenery. He knew his destination and was going to follow it, despite the protests a possibly saner part of his mind tried to convince otherwise.

_If there was no hope for Mary, why should there be any happiness for me?_

* * *

Mary woke, surprised that she had enough energy and life in her to actually wake up, and noticed the car was parked near the public bathrooms with a dense fog hanging outside. James was leaning against a brick wall, overlooking an area of beautiful forestry and Mary was almost giddy when she discovered that James kept true to his word and had taken her back to Silent Hill. The sun's light was fading fast behind the nature and she realized it was _well_ after seven, the due date in which she was supposed to return. A sort of panic set in, but being back in her favorite place calmed any sort of negativity that tried to arise in her.

She slowly turned her head from side to side to get a look at her surroundings, now becoming confused at the sheer amount of fog that was wafting about. There was always a thin mist veiling the town of Silent Hill but Mary couldn't remember it ever being this heavy.

James peered over his shoulder to glance at her and was desolately pleased to find that she had woken up. She followed his movements as he walked to the car, pulled the passenger door open, and lifted her up from her seat, careful with her weak body and making sure she still had her blanket draped over her shoulders. The air chilled her bare feet and exposed face and, tiredly, she tried to get a better look at the vista that she so dearly loved. When it became more of an exercise than a simple gesture, she slumped her head back against James's chest and felt him seat her on the edge of the wall he was leaning on earlier, both of them now leering down at the enormous trail that stretched out towards the town.

A heavy silence followed, but it was almost comforting, because Mary was back in her favorite place and she was with someone she loved more than she could explain. The sweltering pain in her lungs seemed to cool down from the chilly air all around them and it felt nice to breath in fresh pine and asphalt as opposed to the sterilized and unpleasant smell of the hospital.

After taking it all in and finding a sense of peace within herself, Mary began to worry a bit about James because he hadn't said a word since he apologized.

"James... is something wrong?" A small cough escape, indicating that she was either experiencing a sort of calm or if she was getting to weak to be able to manage a simple task. James expected the latter.

"Nothing's wrong, Mary," he replied, his voice still heavy, but oddly serene.

"Why did you bring me back here, James?" she asked. "You might get in trouble –" a small cough interrupted her again. "You might get in trouble with the hospital staff."

"I won't," he replied, his voice now stiff.

She felt like she upset him and her guilt from her hurtful words from before came back in a full circle, creating a sense of negativity that was heavy enough to make her want to cry, if she could muster the strength.

"Mary... do you want to sit by the lake for a while?" James asked, pulling her closer. She felt his arms shake and it troubled her to know he was bothered so much.

"Are you all right, James?" she asked.

"Mary."

His tone depicted what he didn't have to finish.

"Yes, I'd like to."

With her permission, he lifted her off the side of the wall and, with his limbs stiff and a numbness setting through his entire body, James slowly made his way towards the softly lapping lake.

* * *

By the time they reached the lake, however, it was completely dark. The fog almost felt ominous and the air was much colder without the extra sunlight. Mary clung to James and her blanket for warmth, almost feeling like James was detaching himself from her, to the point where she had a worry that maybe he didn't want to feel anything anymore. Though she tried to hide her shivering so she didn't make him worry about her more than he already had, she couldn't hide it when she was curled up in his arms and he had adjusted her every now and again to make sure she was warm. Whenever she tried to make eye contact with him, he didn't return it.

The water was tranquil and unruffled, a beautiful passivity that longed to be looked at. Despite the cold air and her uncertainties about her husband, Mary still felt that sense of peace inside. It was so calming and soothing, she almost forgot the pain.

Then she felt James start to walk towards the water.

"James?"

He didn't answer.

He walked at a dead pace across the sand collected at the water's edge and didn't pause once, even as he stepped into the frosty waters. Mary felt a sense of dread sneak up on her and she was very afraid of what James was planning to do. He kept walking forward and stopped when she was about to submerge beneath the icy depths with him.

"James, what...?"

He finally looked at her. He made eye contact.

And Mary saw what he had been hiding from her; his resolve. James lost all hope of ever living when he found out she had no hope either. A sudden heaviness on her heart made her throat sting and the scorch in her lungs return, the rest of her body heating up as it tried to produce tears from the emotional impact.

"James, you don't have to die for me," she said, a small cough slipping out again.

"Mary, I have no reason to live if you're gone," he murmured.

"Don't say something like that," she countered, her hands now close to her mouth. She tasted the blood. "You still have a life ahead of you –"

"Mary, any life I wanted diminished when you became sick," he said. "A part of me hates you for doing that to me, but I know I can't go on if you're not with me."

She understood the resent and she had grown to accept that James probably hated her like she accepted her fate. But hearing it from his own lips was still painful and she began to cough violently. Blood coated her hands when her fit was over. She looked up at him with a sadness etched in her eyes and she wanted to tell him to just leave her in the water. She was going to die, she had no chance of standing up to this disease as it slowly ate at her very being. When she saw the despondent hopelessness he had hanging on his shoulders, the tears dropped from the corners of her eyes.

"James..."

_Why can't you live? Why must you be so weak?_

He started to walk forward again. When she heard the first movement of water, she expected the icy water to sting when it touched her. She wasn't disappointed when she got what she expected and she began to shiver from the chill running through her body. The cold water wasn't the only thing making her shiver.

He continued to walk forward, his pace agonizingly slow and Mary continued to cry.

_James, just leave me here and go back home. Go try to start life over again. Don't do this for me. Don't do this...!_

Even if she could get this passed her brain and out of her mouth, she knew, just knew, James wasn't going to heed her word and continue on his way.

The water reached her shoulders.

"James..."

Her voice cracked and she coughed up blood once again.

The water now was above her head.

And James stopped.

He wanted to kill her first.

Mary still coughed beneath the water, curling up in a ball as the water invaded her mouth and sank into her lungs. She coughed and choked and the water was around her was starting to get stained with blood. Her body tried to react so she could struggle to the surface, but James kept her under and her limbs were too weak to put up much of a fight.

Her vision blurred.

She was suffocating.

With her lungs now completely filled with water and no way she would be able to surface to get air, to tell James to just leave her, Mary's last sight was James's disorientated expression and the moon from beneath the water.

The light from the moon looked gorgeous beneath the rippling waves.

When Mary ceased her struggling, James let the tears fall.

And he clung to her. He clung to her so tightly, he was afraid that he might crush her fragile bones. But he continued to cry, the numbness he forced inside himself now ebbing away and leaving behind the bitter aftertaste of loneliness.

He hadn't felt better about putting his wife out of her painful misery.

He felt like a disgusting human and was ashamed to call himself as such.

Guilt ate away at his very being and he continued to cry her name, his face so close to the water's edge, the tears that fell creating their own collection of ripples, growing larger and larger around him.

He pulled away from his grief to look up at the moon, wanting to see it the way Mary saw it when she died.

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

James stepped forward until his head was completely submerged in water. His body tried to float, but he inhaled a mouthful of water, clinging to Mary still, trying to keep himself under the surface.

His lungs began to ache with the overfilling of water and he almost felt himself sink. He shook with the temptation to fight free of what he was doing and try to spit out the water and live again.

_I want to die._

He looked up at the moon through the water's surface and felt everything start to shut down.

The water took its toll on his body and he fell limp into the water's depths.

No one recovered their bodies for years.


End file.
